Time to join the circus?

When I stand at the top of a tall building or cliff I get a little uneasy. I tell myself – and others that I’m not scared of heights; I’m just scared of falling and dying.

When I was younger I was fortunate enough to have a Wonderpass, and spent every second weekend at Australia’s Wonderland. I like to think I’m a thrill seeker, the truth be told there are certain rides that I wouldn't go near. Despite fearing for my life every time, I would always line up and go on the space probe, instantly regretting my decision each time it began rising above the shed it was enclosed in. I would get on the rickety wooden Bush Beastie and scream for my life as I bounced up and down in the carriage, holding on to the metal bar for dear life. I tried to be hardcore, I got in the seat for both The Demon, and The Pirate Ship – Bounty’s revenge, and before the ride even started screamed until they let me off. There was no way I was about to hang upside down.

The Demon and Bounty's Revenge, Wonderland Sydney

 My biggest weakness though has always been Ferris Wheels. I remember being about seven years old and going on a lovely day trip to Manly with my best friend at the time. We begged my mum to let us go on the Ferris wheel, and she obliged and we got our own carriage and the ride started. It had not moved more than a metre from its starting position, to let the next people on, when I started screaming hysterically, demanding the guy let me off. He couldn't make it go backwards, so I had to wait for it to do a full revolution before I got out and my friend went around by herself for the next few turns. When we were at Wonderland those years later and my family insisted we ride the Sky Rider Ferris wheel together I wasn't a happy camper. Much to the delight of my younger brother and sister the carriages could be spun around from the inside for added “fun” and boy did they take advantage of that as I sat on the floor of the carriage in foetal position crying. I think my family had my best interests at heart and were just trying to help me face my fears... these days putting a child through that much mental anguish would probably be classed as child abuse!

The Zodiac - Wonderland Sydney

Sometimes I surpise myself though. When I was about 12 my family went on a recreation camp in Berri. They had as part of their site what they said was Australia’s biggest flying fox. It was pretty frightening, and the walk up there was enough to turn anyone off, but I did It and was ready to take on the world. The next day we had the choice of doing either a high ropes or a low ropes course. The high ropes was about 30 metres above the ground, so i decided against that and went for the low ropes, merely 3 metres off the ground. As soon as I climbed up the ladder I screamed and made them let me back down. As much as they insisted I was completely safe and that the caribiner would hold me, I wasn’t about to put all my trust in a tiny bit of aluminium.

Berry Flying Fox

So this week I decided it was time to at least attempt to conquer my fear of heights... not simply by getting in a Ferris wheel or riding a roller coaster – though they did make my short list – no, I decided the best way to conquer my fear was to try my hand at flying trapeze. Conveniently you don’t have to join the circus to be able to do this, and so with my brother, my sister and her boyfriend and two of our neighbours we went to Circus arts at Homebush.

I had spent the Saturday on an all day Hens ferry pub crawl so when I got up the next morning I decided against eating. It was St Patrick’s day so I chucked on my shamrocks shirt (hoping it’d also give me a little more luck on the trapeze.)

As we arrived and walked up to the opening where the flying trapeze was set up and looked up to the platform on top of a skinny ladder I realised it was not going to be easy.

As the instructor squeezed me into the super tight harness I started getting nervous. We went over to a low hanging bar and practiced hanging on it upside down. Some of the girls did it easily, but I needed a little help. The instructor assured us it was way easier when we were in the air so I didn't worry.

Harder than it looks!

We learnt all the procedures and then the instructors showed us up above. There was another girl there by herself so she went first, but because I didn't want to lose my nerve I decided to go second.
I watched as she climbed up the ladder with ease, jumped off, flipped her legs up and over and then fell gracefully down into the net. I was so busy watching that I hadn't climbed up ready, so I started climbing the ladder as fast as I could, knowing that if I stopped I was likely to freeze, cry and need to come back now. (consequently that was exactly what my neighbour did when it was her turn.)

I reached the top and had to step over onto the little platform suspended in the air. Even though I was held up by ropes and would probably not go crashing to my death I held on to the bars for dear life. This is where it got interesting. As if I wasn't already nervous enough, the instructor at the top was new and couldn't actually reach the bar to bring it to me, so she kept reaching for it for what felt like ten minutes as the instructors on the ground told her what to do. My self confidence was not growing when a second one had to climb up onto the platform to help her.

Holding on for dear life waiting for the instructor to actually reach the bar

Eventually she got it and I grabbed on to the bar and, as instructed, jumped my feet together and went flying out. I had barely gotten my head around the fact that I was actually successfully flying through the air holding on to this thick bar, with my arms being pulled out of their sockets when the girl holding the rope down the bottom told me to swing my legs up and over.
It was not easier than it was on the ground, and though I tried four times to do it, I eventually lost momentum and had to just drop into the net.

Bombs away - trapeze take 1

After the first go we got taught a new skill. After we hung upside down by our knees we had to come back down and the flick forward and backwards and then backwards flip off and into the net.
I was fast losing confidence... every other person who had attempted the first move could do it successfully, but I went in with the attitude that “this would be the one.” I climbed up again, and was shaking even more than the first two attempts. I wasn't sure if it was the lack of food, or the risk of my impending death that increased each time I climbed the ladder. The more climbs, the more chance of injury right? I swung off and sadly had the same issue getting up, so the lady asked me instead to just try the back flip. Unfortunately my attempt was more of a back flop than a flip

Take two - plus first attempt at back flip

Unfortunately failing was the case for the third attempt too where the only modification to the skill was you had to let go with your knees, since I couldn't even get there I didn't have to worry. I managed to get the backflip this time at least. I was congratulated, but I couldn't help feel like I was being a little patronised.

Take 3

After everyone had done that one we were introduced to the last and most complicated skill. You had to go down, flip upside down and then catch the hands of one of the instructors who was on a second trapeze coming towards you, then you had to let go with your knees and swing from his hands and finally drop into the net.
It was laughable that they had the guy swinging at the right time when I still couldn't get my legs up, but I climbed up again, shaking even more this time, and went for take four. I once again missed getting my knees up and over and so just did the back flip off - successfully this time. As I got down I was congratulated for being able to do the flip. It felt more than a little patronising... I knew as well as everyone else there that I was doing terribly.

Take 4

At that point I had climbed the ladder four times and decided there was no point me continuing, as I didn't want to fail again, and I wasn't going to be able to succeed. I sat down and watched as my neighbour, then my sister, then my brother all did it perfectly and were caught my the guy. Everyone had had their last go when one of the instructors came up to me and strongly encouraged me to try one last time saying “how good would it feel if you did get it this time?”  I said “How bad would I feel if I failed again,” but knew if I didn't try I would never know if I could have made it that last time.

So I climbed up for the last time, and using every possible muscle in my body I tried so hard three times to get my legs up. I managed to get one leg to touch but couldn't get them over... alas I had failed again so I back flipped off and went back and took my harness off.

Take 5 - Finale attempt

I had given it the last try and I had failed again. It felt pretty rubbish... I don’t like to fail at things I try, especially when I've gone outside my comfort zone and my younger brother and sister could both do it better than me. Granted my sister and my neighbour had both been trained gymnasts in their younger years, but somehow that didn't console me.

The next day I was in a world of pain. Every muscle in my stomach and arms hurt which I thought was ridiculous given the fact I couldn't actually do it properly! It did however give me the consolation that despite failing I had tried really hard. I’m still scared of heights and I won’t be going back to do it anytime soon, not because I wouldn't love to get better, but the height anxiety over and over again wasn’t pleasant. Looks like i’m not joining the circus anytime soon, but I think I can live with that!

Flying Trapeze 7/10