We all have
lists... And I don't mean shopping lists or packing lists or present lists,
(because let's face it, they're not all that exciting) I mean real life lists,
things we want to do, things we want to tick off before we die. For some these
come as a sort of mid life crisis, the "oh sh*t I've wasted so much time
and don't feel like I've accomplished anything and shall now buy a sports
car" kind of list. For others it is as simple as a bunch of classic movies
they want to tick off.
I'm just
twenty five, and hopefully nowhere near having a mid life crisis, but as long
as I've known I've had these lists... Never written down, but things that have
remained there in the back of my mind waiting to be reignited. The biggest
example of such an item is the "get married and have kids" objective.
This one is dateless... Sure there is a biological clock that will stop ticking
at some point (or so every magazine ever says) but this item is otherwise out
of my control. On the other side of the list is a desire to watch The Lord of
the Rings and Indiana Jones movies (don't judge) which is fully within my
control.
While both
of these items have been on my "list" for quite a long time, the
movie one in particular isn't something that I think will bring me great
fulfillment. Sure I will have added trivia night knowledge, but it isn't going
to change me (I don't think) and isn't anywhere near challenging enough for me.
If you've
read any of my previous blogs, you'll quickly learn I like to try new things.
In fact, in ten weeks (give or take a month or two) I tried ten new things for
a creative project for work. Yes this technically fell under work (have I ever
mentioned how much I LOVE my job?) but it was so much more than that, and
ignited a new passion on me to keep trying the things on my list. I began to
feel less dread toward the fear of failure and the judgement from others,
especially my peers. I've spent a lot of my life being a people pleaser, not
reluctantly, but one day I realised that my worst fear was not in fact public
speaking, (like 85% of humans) my worst fear was being judged by people I knew.
This
surprises a lot of people I know... In fact, today as I danced and sung around
the cafe to the countdown on music max as we waited for coffee, I said
something along those lines and it was hard for those there to believe me.
Until this point in life I have often avoided doing things because of fear of
rejection or judgement... If you wanted to read to deeper into that, it could
stem from being bullied in school and past interactions with people, but
wherever it comes from, it has always been there, and for the past few years at
least has held me back from one particular item off Natalie's long list of
awesome things she wants to do… take acting classes.
When I was
about 8 years old I think I first expressed to my Mum that I was interested in
doing drama classes. At that point my only performing arts experience had been
a brief stint in the band playing clarinet, (very brief) and a few years in the
school and state choirs. I remember coming home multiple times asking my Mum
if I could take classes, but because of clashes in extra curricular activities
and the costs involved it never eventuated. A few years later I started high
school and as soon as I heard the school had a debating and tournament of the
minds team I was at the auditions quicker than you could give me the time. I
remember the auditions being so much fun and I knew these were both something I
wanted to do.
This was
when the first two rejections came. I didn't make it on to either team in year
seven, and I was so devastated. At the age of 12 that was enough for me to not
want to go back again in the next few years to audition either. I had known
that not everybody would get a place, but being one of only a few who didn't get a place on either debating teams, and missing out on tournament of minds as well, this twelve year old wasn't about to face more rejection.
When it came
to subject selection for year nine and ten I was conflicted. I loved art and
had been building and making things since I was really young so since I only
got to choose two subjects, Art and Design & Technology were the front
runners. I desperately wanted to do all three, but Drama sat as my third
preference, and for about two days I was on the list to do it until a space
opened in the art class and I was moved. In Two years
later we were studying A Midsummer Nights Dream in English when we learnt it
was to be our schools next major production. I was so excited, as I was
fascinated by the whole play and wanted to be in it more than anything. A
friend of mine had the same idea and so for weeks the two of us practiced a
scene between Helena and Hermia before building a life size tree out of
cardboard boxes to take to our audition with us. Whatever it took we were going
to get into that play… And we did. I was cast as Peaseblossom and she was
Mustard Seed (two of Titania’s fairies). I only spoke 8 words in the whole
play, but boy did I do them enthusiastically.
 |
| Coolest Fairy Around |
After loving
this taste of the thespian life I was quick to audition for the school
production of the musical The Wiz the following year when I was in year 11. I
was not a singer so auditioned for the chorus. (I’m almost certain they let
everyone in, but chose roles based on the auditions) I was cast as a munchkin
and a flying monkey and even though I had to learn a whole bunch of songs, a
whole bunch of dances and go to a whole bunch of rehearsals I loved every
minute of it. At this stage I had still not joined drama classes because I didn’t
want to be two years behind everyone else who had done it as an elective and it
went on the back burner again.
In the years
since then I have tried to stay involved in “the scene”, selling tickets for my
friends musicals and doing the odd bit of extras work here and there as well as
taking up pole classes and performing (the most nerve wracking experience of my
life) at a variety night in Glebe last year. For the longest time however I
have sat back and watched and wished I could take part, always too scared that
people will judge me or laugh at me or that I would embarrass myself, or worst
of all… fail.
Until NOW!!
After participating in a sample class at the Actors Centre in Surry Hills
(Where Hugh Jackman did all his original training) AND loving every minute of
it, I have officially enrolled in a part time acting course for 2014. I am so unbelievably excited about this. I’m not doing it because I have dreams of Hollywood or anything like that, I am doing it because I want to follow a
passion, become more confident in myself, and knowing more about the craft of
acting can only be a positive influence on my job. So… It may have taken me
seventeen years to get here, and I may still fail, but I don’t want to look
back at my life as I’m floating up to the spirit in the sky and wonder if I
could have done it.
Here’s to
ticking things off the list! Bring on 2014!
